why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
