After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
