Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
