Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
