He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
