I got chris browned last night
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
