she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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