Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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