margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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