if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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