Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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