I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How naked do you want me to be?
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