I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
