No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
