sarcasm needs its own font
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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