Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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