This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
