he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That accounts for only three of the penises
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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