I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
