it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
