I wish I could teleport
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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