I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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