remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
