She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
