Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
