you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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