How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As shirtless as possible
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
