You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
