Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
