No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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