He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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