We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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