I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
