The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
