Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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