yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
