Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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