I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
