checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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