I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
