Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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