I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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