1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We are two peas in an std pod
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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