Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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