I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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