We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
