Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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