All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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