As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
