So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
