We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
