oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
